Broken Stereo Types

I have worked so hard in my life that I don’t have time to prove anything to anyone at this point. How much do I really want to show you that I am ok? And if I have to try and convince someone that I am ok then is it even worth it? If It’s not already obvious that I am doing well, then what’s the point of standing up and screaming that I am?

My son said something to me the other day. And I use it as my reminder that I am a successful parent. He said that he feels like we are rich. We are so not rich, but the fact that my child is satisfied is enough of a confirmation for me.

I’ve been a single parent for the majority of my child’s life. It amazes me when people say “I don’t know how you do it.” I don’t see any other option, parenting is parenting and the child’s development lies in my hands because I am not the parent that left. What’s more is how people allow single parenting as an excuse for failure.  I always felt failure is not an option. If one at least tries and is not successful, that doesn't mean one has failed, it just means try a different way. 

I graciously accept all compliments of my life and my child. I work nearly full time and I am putting myself through school.  Believe me, it’s not easy. And those in my life who tell me that I can do it; that I will be successful because I won’t give up when it gets tough, they mean the world to me. They are in the small group that doesn’t immediately bestow failure on me. I feel life is difficult at times not matter what and regardless of how many parents are in the home, it’s how one deals with the situations that really define you, not the lack of support.  

If I am completely honest with myself, I actually enjoy “single” parenting. My son is growing into an incredible person and being able to see him everyday is truly a blessing. I have grown so much because I opened my heart. This little boy came into this world innocent and deserves nothing less than the comfort and support of a mother’s heart.  I feel it’s my job to give him all the tools he needs to be a successful person. And it’s his decision as he grows to utilize those tools.

While it’s sad that my family is in shambles (because really we all wish we could be the Huxtables) I have another family to put my time and energy into, the little boy that calls me “Mom.” The most important role I will play on this earth is that job title. 

Election Day

Every election, regardless of size, I take my son with me. I feel it's important for the younger generation to learn and understand the voting process early on in life.

He loves coming with me. The folks at our polling station (mostly senior citizens) love seeing such a young face. He always stands beside me as I fill in the bubbles of my choosing.


Voting is a given right that many people fought long and hard for. I am proud of those before me who wanted voting for all. If it weren't for their tenacity, I wouldn't have the right to vote.
I am proud to be an American and grateful to live in California.

I'm excited to vote. I can't to vote!

Get out and vote. Even if we disagree, your voice matters!

World Series Bound

Congratulations to the San Francisco Giants for winning game 7 in the NLCS. I'm always proud to be a Giants fan, but today, tears came to my eyes with that final throw, final strike by Sergio Romo ended tonight's game.

#sfgiants #postseason

#baseball #orangoctober

100° in October

Today the forecast is one hundred degrees...the first day in October.
I would anticipate triple digits in July; expect them even in August.
But in October, when three thousand miles away sweaters are mandatory...
Today the forecast is one hundred degrees...the first day in October and I am melting.

Steve Martin Serenade

My first memory of Steve Martin is watching him in the Father of the Bride. My mother was cranky they remade a Liz Taylor classic, but I didn’t care. I was excited to be going to the movies with my girlfriends. Pre-teen PG movie dates were the precursor to “Girls Night Out.” I remember thinking I wanted George Banks to be my dad.

Ever since then, I have been following Mr. Martin’s career. When he published Shop girl I was beyond excited to read it. It became yet another book that has shaped a little bit of my soul.

When I discovered Steve Martin would be the season opener for the Gallo Center for the Arts, I jumped at the chance for tickets; purchasing four so I could take my former in-laws. Since my father-in-law is a musician and my mother-in-law is the generation that remembers Mr. Martin on the Smothers Brothers, and we all have an appreciation for blue grass, I figured they would be perfect theatre companions.

When the Steep Canyon Rangers and Steve Martin walked on to stage, the Rogers Theatre erupted with cheer. Without hesitation, the show began. Mr. Martin and company moved seamlessly into performing music with a dash of comedy.

While the theatre was large (and sold out) the performance was intimate. The dynamics between Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers filled the room; playing such songs as “Go Away, Stop, Turn around, Come Back” and “Atheists Don’t Have No songs” from the new album Rare Bird Alert.  The crowd was engaging and incredibly fun to be a part of. Steve Martin is talented, truly a renaissance man. He announced he began playing the banjo at age 16 and his passion for it shows. Every song performed, he had written. It became very clear that these pieces were created with a great deal of thought, inspiration and care. He even explained what inspired him to create. I love that Steve Martin is still inspired to challenge himself and grow in all forms of art. His motivation and what appears to be hard work shows in the incredible performance I attended last night.

In the middle of the show, Mr. Martin excused himself so that we may enjoy the music of the Steep Canyon Rangers sans Steve; a band from North Carolina who existed long before partnering with Steve Martin. The talent of this group dripped off stage. Two songs was not enough; we were left wanting more. One does not have to be an actor to give a passionate performance and this group had the heart and soul of every instrument played. The movements of their hands, heads and feet suggested they were one with music creating an environment filled with feelings of warmth of the heart.

When Mr. Martin announced their final song was to be performed next, an audible sigh engulfed the crowd. Once finished, Mr. Martin and Company bowed and left the stage, leaving behind a crowd on their feet screaming, begging for me.

To our wonderful delight, the men obliged and we were serenaded with two more beautifully crafted songs.

As we exited the theatre, the debate began: Should we buy cd’s here or online. The line to the merchandise was long and we all feel that 10pm is too late to be awake and the online purchase would arrive in only 2 days time. As we stepped closer to the lobby (we were on the third level balcony), I announced I was getting in line. The rest followed suit.

I’m glad I did. I was able to interact with the violinist of the Steep Canyon Rangers and my cd, The Rare Bird Alert was signed by all members of the group, including Steve Martin. And while it may have been cheaper to purchase online, I would not have received an autographed copy, signed that day, so says the violinist, nor would I have interacted with him.

It makes a pretty good story to tell my kid the next day.

I am Very Disappointed in Melky Cabrera

I know my opinion in the matter involving Melky Cabrera’s 50 game suspensions without pay (with only 45 games left in the regular season) doesn’t matter. Lucky for you, I will share it anyway.

My family is band of baseball enthusiasts; more accurately, Grandpa and I are enthused and everyone else just tolerates us. We all gather around the TV and watch nearly every game. Day games are a bit more difficult to view, since we all have day jobs.

I am now faced with a dilemma. How to explain Melky’s suspension to my son, an avid Giants fan and a baseball player himself, that one of his favorite players is off the team? My child will not be satisfied with the simple “Melkman was suspended.” He will want to know why and what rules were violated to warrant the suspension.

I supposed I could use this incident as a valuable teaching opportunity. Or I could just not mention it at all and see if he notices Cabrera’s absence; which he no doubt will.

Outside of being a disappointed parent, I am a disappointed fan. While I cannot assume that players never use performance enhancers (legal or otherwise) the knowledge one uses takes the fun out of baseball, or any sport for that matter. This is a crucial time for the Giants. This morning the Giants were tied for first in the NL West and with the results from afternoons game, are now a half game back.

No one can for sure say what is going to happen with the rest of baseball’s regular season, but if the Giants fall further behind everyone will be wondering if the lack of Melky is the reason why.

My First Real Love

I constantly complain about where I live; the lack of culture nearly kills me. In a recent conversation with a friend who fled California (like most of my friends) I realized just how much I love California. I proudly tote my California Girl brand. I'm only partially annoyed when people assume my tan skin is because I live in California.

This friend had moved to one of the fly over states; where the cost of living is cheap and wages are cheaper. And the more this friend highlighted the perks of said fly over state, I started becoming anxious. I couldn't quite pinpoint it at the time. Later, I realized the idea of being a three days drive away from the Pacific Ocean makes me anxious. So, I explained to my friend, I love the ocean too much to leave it; the beach in December is my favorite past time. To which she replied, "We have beaches." While I scoffed at her comparison, I decided she had a point.












While visiting family in Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes, we went to the beach. I find it very important to point out that the idea of Minnesotans calling their beaches a beach is a disgrace to all beaches. The sand was painful to walk in, the water was just standing there and the air did not smell fresh and clean. And since the family I was visiting is originally from the East Coast, they understood my disappointment. The rest of the trip when people asked if I had visited the beach, I replied with, "Yes, I went to the lake." To its defense, the scenery was very beautiful.

My oldest friend in California pointed out that I should not be a snob about beaches. I agree.

The Pacific Ocean is just one reason why I love California so much.

Havin' a heatwave

My affection for this town comes in waves; one day, I am happy and in love with where I live. Then, I read a book, usually based in New York, or on the East Coast somewhere, and I long to know life outside this valley town. Maybe one day I will…just not while my boy is little.

The Expectations of 28

It's tragic when one knows who she wants to give her heart to and it's unwanted.

Summer...

I know summer is coming to an end by the amount of books I read in a week...

Things I will miss…

I have been working in adult literacy for the last four and a half years. Turns out, this program is a passion of mine. I am fortunate to have the power of reading and a support system that encourages me to grow in knowledge. Not everyone has that luxury.

For the last four and a half years, I have been encouraging people, helping them learn how to read; encouraging the use of the public library system; hopefully igniting the love of reading in those around me.

I have grown so much and gained a better awareness of my community; a better understanding of what makes this city…well a place people chose to call home.

I am sad to leave the education/library world. I will miss all the friends I made all over the state. I will miss walking through the stacks every morning: 29 Cor-Des 30 Cha-Cor.

I will miss the volunteers I work with; those who willingly choose to help instead of complain; who hug instead of hurt; who care instead of ignore; who are grateful that I care and I support them.

 I will miss my students; the gratitude and appreciation they have for me, makes this little nerdy girl grateful to have known every single one of them.

I will miss the bizarre interactions with the homeless; who have provided entertainment, not only to me, but the land of face book as well.

I will miss those of the library staff who have smiled at me for years and made an effort to say good morning, or get to know me in the littlest ways.

Tomorrow's my last day in adult literacy. Monday, I begin a new journey, one that I hope I am ready for. I am excited with a little dash of scared. I am ready for the challenge. I hope it’s as fulfilling as the last four and a half years of my life.

The stereo-typical 30 somthing blues

Two and a half years ago, if someone had told me that I would find myself wanting a companion, I would have laughed. I proudly totted my independence flag, scoffing at engagement announcements, the dating scene and all things “couple.” Why share my life with someone when I can do as I please without having to consult anyone? I confidently went to weddings, birthday parties, concert performances, theatre productions, musical appearances alone; sometimes accompanied by a friend who didn’t want to attend stag, but mostly alone.

The need to be a pair didn’t exist within me. I had no desire for it. At the time the majority was single so chances of running into a pair were slim. It was fun, meet up with a group of friends and socialize. Maybe one or two couples existed, maybe. Weddings were few, babies were fewer. Wave one of the pairing off/baby making had come to a much needed end and people were enjoying the next phase in life. Especially me. I discovered my passion and honed in on my career aspirations. I readjusted my focus in school and with my little one enrolled in the beginnings of primary education pieces were falling nicely into place.

I was a part of Wave 1. I accepted the end of my relationship and decided the shit was overrated anyway. Independent in nature, I figured it was best to leave well enough alone. I discovered I was happier alone anyway. Being borderline type A with a preference for solitude, having sole parental decision making and choosing the path of my own life how I saw fit was a welcomed change.

From where I stood, my life was fabulous. The chapter I was creating was shaping up nicely and my long term career goals were being given a solid foundation.

With my “solidarity sister” and “who needs a man” mantra he walked through my door; tall, with an athletic build and beautiful eyes. Summer beginning to close and I was not safe from my carnal emotions. What started out as animalistic desire grew into companionship. The months to follow came and went at rapid speed.  As the beginning of summer came around again, I found myself wanting more, but the feelings were not mutual. At the time, I was ok with the companionship coming to an end.  Life comes in waves, some people were not meant to be in each other’s lives forever.

I dove head first into work; cleaning out offices and making way for a new program year to begin. Head first seemed the only way to go and I successfully shed a lot of unwanted work weight.

In September as the weather began to cool and the need to slow my life down and relax began to take over I felt a snippet of a void. I, being the good daughter of a military/law enforcement man, suppressed that snippet and began preparing for what autumn will bring.

In our house autumn brings the anniversary of my son’s life as well as the celebration of Halloween, Dia de los Muerertos, Veteran’s Day, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanza and several Grandparent birthdays. I love planning events and celebrations in my private life. I love honoring all the cultures and people that help make this nation great. Planning and organizing events is a passion of mine.

With Autumn I do the most recreational reading. There’s something about a cold, windy, sunny day that makes me want to curl up on the couch with the natural light of the sun seeping in and read a book.

I gladly accepted these seasonal traditions, not realizing I was using them as an excuse to ignore the snippet of a void. But as New Year’s Eve approached and I had no immediate plans, I was beginning to recognize that void as loneliness. I realized that having a companion, one specifically for me, was fabulous. Enjoying life with another person, in a non-friendship sort of way, was wonderful.

I came to this realization, with the New Year that was starring me in the face, and noticed it was filled with weddings and baby-showers nearly every month (and in some cases two or three a month.) By the time my birthday rolled around [March] I was a lonely little pea still happily going stag to performances and shows.

When spring sprung, I was a lonely little pea going stag wishing for a companion to accompany me on my weekly breakfast outing. Not only that, my spring was filled with events for my child and performances, shows, movies and celebrations that I wanted to share with someone. It didn’t have to be a special person, just someone that I was connected to on some romantic level.

With the beginning of Summer I discovered, I was it. Everyone was paired off. I was the lonely little pea that was permanently stag because everyone else had paired off in the inevitable evolutionary way. One unusually cool night in May, my dear friend and I were out celebrating her final year in her 20’s and she politely reminded me that we are in the boat together. We discussed ways to make changes in our lives; positive forward moving changes. We were surrounded by people who were getting married, having babies, moving out of state for new and fabulous jobs, moving out of town for graduate school and what we were doing, drinking in a bar on a Sunday night pondering what should come next.

I decided I should try to change aspects of my life I can control. I quickly applied to transfer to an online school that offered a BA degree in Creative Writing. I had been held hostage for years at the local community college because of available/unavailable/required classes. Ten years was too much time to spend in community college. Normal people, linear thinking people, would hold a PhD by this point of the educational career. Not me, not I can’t-find-the-box-to-fit-into-so-I’ll-follow-this-shinny-thing-down-the-road-for-awhile-me.  I am not organized by nature; this is a trait that came in my mid-twenties. It takes a great deal of discipline for me to be organized. I am very good at it, but it certainly does not come easy for me.

Recently, a friend of mine noted that I am “too” independent. I have been mulling this over in my mind since. Is my appearance of independence a threat? I should hope not. I am in no rush to settle down, get married and pop out more babies; which apparently is the opposite mantra for 27+ available women. Times running out! Must get married! Your eggs are only good for so long! I know much of this “advice” is specific to the city in which I live.

I was fine with my independence; still am in fact. Now that I have had a taste of life with a companion, one that actually wants to spend time as a “we” it would be nice to have a little taste of that again. It would be safe to say my sensitivity to this topic is heightened do to the number of weddings and babies that are being produced this year. I will continue to wear my single-independent female badge. I earned it with pride. And I will gladly accept all the joy this life brings me, expected and otherwise. Maybe this void will pass. For all I know, next year could bring loads of painful divorce, infertility and university drop outs.

Rainy Day Blues

It is unfortunate how much I neglect you.

Good thing you're not a boyfriend.

The Power I Have with Reading

When my grandmother (Julia) was in 8th grade, she was told by her step-mother that would be the end of her education. She was needed to help raise her young siblings on the small Wisconsin farm. She reluctantly agreed, after all it was 1926 and not many woman from her community were moving on to bigger and better things. Every single one of her younger siblings went on to graduate high school, some even went as far as college.

My grandmother always said if you can read you can do anything. She never recovered from the emotional frustrations that her lack of education caused. She encouraged her 5 children to pursue higher education.

People ask me why I do what I do (I help people learn how to read) and I think of my grandmother. Just because a person lacks education doesn't mean that person cannot encourage their child to become educated. Nor does it mean that person will be a drain on society. My grandmother was needed to help raise the abundance of children that was common for farm families.

Reading is life. Reading is important. Reading is who I am.

Even though this was nearly 90 years ago, this story is still very common. Many men and women (and even boys and girls) because of circumstance were unable to finish school. I am seeing more and more of this now. Just like the times of the Great Depression, people are compelled to have their children take on work to help offset family expenses. The assumption that kids today are lazy is wildly unfair. While I have encountered many 20 somethings who fit the lazy bill, I have also encountered many who desire to work, go to school and gain some independence from their family; a time honored tradition in our society.

Another scenario I see, daily, men over 45 who worked in the construction field for decades not being able to find work. The problem I see is the new way our culture has transformed job searching. Before one could walk into a business and be handed an application, now that person is directed to complete the application process online. This process includes a series of vague, non-descript questions that confuse even people with strong reading skills. 

I try to imagine what my life would be like if I wasn’t an avid reader and I can’t. Reading is a huge part of who I am and have become. I cannot imagine my life without books. I sleep better at night when I read before bed. Reading is cathartic for me.

Try to imagine where you would be if you couldn’t read. Really think about this challenge. What aspects of your life wouldn’t exist? It’s hard to imagine, isn’t it?

I have neglected you

Turns out I prefer pen to paper

The Parenting Way

Being  good mom
isn't the same
when you don't have
someone to share it with.

A Million Bucks

A woman's value
is not dependent
on a man's
opinion

To Marry or Not to Marry

I guess being so young and naïve (sarcasm) I am not sure if I believe in the institution of marriage. I don’t see the benefit. Marriage does not love anymore. Marriage is a contract, plain and simple. I had expected something different from this article. I understand that a serious committed relationship requires compromise, but I will argue that the everyday of a relationship is what kills it. When do you actually have time to miss the person with whom you may be in love? I have heard journalists quote specialist saying things like “not living together means that intimacy goes down.” Well I say to that, by not living together allows the couple to have spontaneous sex. Sure if honey goes off to work for eight hours sweet pea misses him all day, but you know what, I don’t want to see anyone right after work. I want to come home, regroup, relax and turn back into the ravishing creature honey fell in love with. Sure marriage can uncover horrible habits and the frequency of mood changes, but I don’t want to be bothered by that shit. I don’t want just all fun and games, trust me. If I am having a shit day at work or a crap time with my dad or the world may have made me angry for whatever reasons, I want him there to support me. If my grandpa dies I want him there. If I get a promotion, I want him there. When my kid graduates I may want him there. I want to vacation with him, sometimes. (No boys allowed for at least two mini-breaks taken in a calendar year). I want to provide the same to him.



Who says we have to be under the same roof to provide those things to each other? Oh wait, does someone’s god say I must do that…well, then that is your belief system. But the religious marriage has no place to say what marriage should be in a world where government gets involved.


I hear so many married couples say things like, “We never do anything anymore.” Well what’s the point when you see each other every day? Isn’t the point of doing something together an excuse to see each other and enjoy each other?


The worst part is for the single gals. We become the threat because we look like we are having all the fun in the world, when really most of them want the married life. Not me, though. I like the idea of honey living in another house. I like the idea of getting excited to see him in three days. And it’s not like I am saying no communication between visits. You have to communicate, but did anyone think that maybe it was the act of everyday that killed the marriage, or maybe we should take marriage more seriously and not feel like we have to enter into a union before the age of thirty.


The single gal is left to be made as bad because she’s fun, vibrant and loves life (or at least appears to be) the attraction of the unknown as opposed to the familiar. When really the threat of a marriage being at risk, was probably already there. We are just the excuse. I respect the band. If a man says he is married, then he may leave. I won’t mess with someone’s marriage. Who am I kidding, I won’t mess with someone’s relationship, it’s not cool. If a couple decided to be exclusive that should be respected. And if a couple decides to be exclusive in different locations that should be respected too. If a person says they are willing to make a commitment, shouldn’t they be allowed to figure out what that commitment should look like for them? If I can get a custom made couch, specific to every want and desire, then why am I not allowed to apply that to relationships? People are not couches, I understand that, but like-minds are hard to come by and everyone deserves to find someone they can feel good around. The “have-to-do” mentality in relationships has got to stop! It’s overwhelming and unfair.


It is ok to not be married by twenty-five. It is ok to not be married by thirty-five. It is ok to not be married by forty-five. Nothing is wrong with you. If you have to change yourself and compromise yourself, then what’s the point? I understand some compromise may be ok; honey may like horror films while you prefer a chick flick, that’s an ok compromise, and besides any excuse to cuddle up on honey’s shoulder is a good one right?


Positive, healthy relationships can enhance our life in beautiful ways. Having the desire to achieve that is totally normal. Thinking that once you have that it will never change is completely naïve. As people we are constantly learning, observing and growing, hopefully in positive ways. Finding a companion that will bring all of these qualities should be the point of being in a relationship. To expect someone to be exactly as we met them, the rest of our lives is ridiculous. I love learning new information about someone I have known twenty years. Aren’t we always being told not to lay all our cards out on the first date anyway?

The Curse of the Empowered Woman

I have been an avid Women’s Libber since I can remember. Always preaching about how important equality is to create and maintain an effective and successful society. My mother always showed us through actions how important strength and competence was to society, especially after my father had a stroke and was hospitalized for what felt like years.


The notion of becoming someone’s wife and popping out babies before accomplishing anything or even to go as far as to say given up accomplishments to be a wife and mother was not on my menu for life. Being a strong empowered woman comes at a price that is either talked about all the time or never talked about at all. It comes in waves.

But today, I must say, I learned a very valuable lesson.


For months I have been struggling with the typical issues. I’m single and some days are harder to deal with it than others. I am a full time employee. I am a part time college student. And above all else, I am a mother.


I quickly learned that I had to be self sufficient. I wasn’t about being the best at everything, but I certainly wanted to make the top five. The strength I have, the discipline and dedication I have to all of my projects in life, I have come to realize are a threat. I don’t need a boss to come in and fix every minor detail or problem; I can figure that on my own. I don’t always need a study group in school, I like studying by myself just fine. While parenting can be exhausting, the best method has proven to be effectively executed by me and me alone. I have learned to be self-sufficient and within that my strength is overflowing.


But let’s not kid, I am vulnerable. Anytime I am put down, I immediately become angered by the fact that my accomplishments always seem to be ignored. A woman cannot live on self-validation. It’s not possible to always be one’s own cheerleader. Once in awhile, I need someone else’s shoulder to cry on, or to lean on. Once in awhile I need someone to tell me I am doing a good job, whether it is at work, in school, or as a mom.


My lesson is this: Thank you Women’s Lib movement for making me realize I would much rather be a stay at home mom than be treated like shit by people who don’t even matter.

After I made this realization, I did some much needed thinking. If I don’t work hard and do what I am doing, then I am failing in all respects. People will always be threatened by those who have it together. I am in a generation that has been given the right to choose after many generations before fought for that right. But the choices have evolved. Instead of one choice we have many. If a woman wants to be at home with her kids that should be seen as an incredible and amazing decision. If a woman chooses to work and be mommy, that too deserves praise.

Epic Story

Breath taking
Soul saving
Heart thumping
Time stopping

is someone else's story